Wednesday, May 7, 2014

What's Wrong With Me

I have a serious issue.

 I'm not happy with this art journaling deal I started back in January. It's not the actual throwing of the paint and gluing crap down that's getting to me. I don't really know how to say this but to be blunt and just spit it out.

It's the prompts.
They're stupid.
I said it, come at me.

Prompt-Do a quote.... My quote, "Be strong, I whispered to my wifi signal." is it me or does this page look a leetle angry.

I don't like prompts that include quotes. I don't like doing recycled cardboard from the kitchen. I don't like prompts were I have to beg my family and friends to "draw" something for me. Do you know the looks I got for that? DO YOU? I don't have people in my life that get that kind of interaction.

Dinner with friends.
Whips out journal.
Hey can you guys like draw something in my journal for me?
Long awkward pause. Friends assume my water is not water but straight up vodka.
Bill quietly walks me out of the building and does the walk of shame with me. I DON'T LIKE DOING THE WALK OF SHAME.

I can't go around asking people in my world to draw in my journal.

If you really think about it. In a normal world, that's like homeless crazy dude kinda weird. I had a guy once who wanted me to draw a uterus on a cigarette box for him (no really, true story). He lived outside, he never went to a home. He had a hole in his pants and he mumbled a lot to himself. I thought he was a crazy homeless dude. Never crossed my mind it was a simple journal prompt.

I think this was yet again, something recycled. 

Do I feel horrid about this bad attitude I got?

Yes, I do. I want to be like everyone else. I swear to you, I DO.

I want this for myself so badly. I actually took up art journaling via prompts for a full year. I get all, Yay! New year! punch drunk. Then think, this year, THIS YEAR.  I will be a woman who (wait for it). Journals.

Look if you get this whole feminine thing and you got it down pat. I admire you, like you have no idea. I'm not saying these things to be hateful.

I want to excitedly make a chalkboard bulletin board wherein I can keep an ordered and structured schedule for me and the neighbors. I want to knit all my own clothes out of gym socks and it's so awesome people pin that shit. I want to be a woman who can see a journaling prompt like, "do a quote." And I do one handed cartwheels, whilst I whip out my other journal just chalk full of all the quotes I love. Yay! Quote prompt!! Who's ready for it? This girl, right here!

Yep, I'm jealous. Big stupid deep breath of a sigh. Maybe by January, the feminine fairy will thwack me with her wand and finally I can graciously do a journal prompt about hands without wanting to do something creepy.

This one isn't finished and it will most likely never be finished. The prompt was refresh (I guess like in refreshing? Honestly I thought douche right off. Stupid brain).....This is F5 girl, get it? You know refresh your computer. Total guy move, I know. Shut up.

Or maybe in 2015, I'll take up triathlons again or spartan races or get that sex change I should be seriously considering and stop trying to be someone I am obviously not.

Rest assured though, no matter how this year ends up. I love you feminine woman. I think you are the cat's meow and I wish I could be you. I really really do. So you keep on with your bad self. You and your friends who prompt in journal's together. The ones ready with a quote. I mean this very sincerely, the world would be a dull sad place without you.

Oh and one more thing. If you decide we should do a prompt about our first periods......Just don't, OK? I am not adverse to throwing feminine products over fences, namely your fences. I will hang and stick to my heart's delight. You've been warned.